I had been thinking a lot lately. I know what I want. I want to be myself. I don’t want to act like someone that I’m not anymore. It’s so tiring. I know once I decided this, there will be more people will be hating me. But I don’t give a dare. I don’t give a fuck of what others will thing about me. If they can’t accept who I am that’s too bad for them. It’s your lose right? Well, should stop talking about that.

Lately something bad has happen to me. My uncle & auntie want me to move out, she said I have grown up & it’s time for me to move out. I can’t believe my uncle still can’t get over it about my dad scolding him because of me. Shouldn’t I be the one should be angry? You lost my laptop. & you are angry about my dad & grandma scolding? What logics is that? My auntie also asks my dad to faster get a house. How do we have to find a house in such a short time? Most importantly I don’t want to move away from tampines. It’s the only places where all my dearest friends are. Its where all my beautiful memories are flowing. I don’t want to forget these places & the people around here. I know I can always come back but it will never be the same anymore. I’m tired of the life here. Grandma is always telling me stuff thinking that I will never understand, as she still thinks that I’m still a kid. But who will understand that, I already know what’s happening around me, even things that you don’t want me to know. Actually what’s the different even if I move to somewhere fast? Even I’m living near all my friends but I still always feel so left out. Either when I am alone or with friends. I still find lonely. I don’t receive texts or call anymore. I used to have when I still have a boyfriend & a very close best friend. But I lost both of them. I used to be someone important to them but now. I’m nothing but a loner. I lost everything I used to have.

Now, all I wish for is to get 6-7points for EMB2. I hope I will do well in my N level & move on to ITE. Even though I have not choose what course I want. But I want to go poly. Fix my stupid backbone & move on to my future. Now the point for my N level means everything to me. It’s my only hope now.

Im feeling so empty right now..

i feel so uncomfortable . i want see you but the same time i dun wan to see you too. if i did not accidently see that . i wont be so... i almost tear at my work place. i dunno what i was thinking of. i know no matter you will still be with her soon. but i just cant help it. i just miss you so much... i just i never had really let go you. even if i had tried a million time. you are just too hard for me to be forgotten. in a simple term, you have already part of my life... Ahhh.. what has gone into me? FREAK!

Whatever it is my work has been very slack. quite a few more off for me.. dunno why too. then i have spend my time at home?

Been busy with work & cca (: today im working in the afternoon so i was thinking of updating blog. if not it ill be dead again): Hmm.. i keep kena scolding by the first manage): but lucky the second manager is nice to all of us(: oh ! & now im working with JOEY-mei!(: so happy! have been talking alot with her(: oh! this friday Jeasvin & falice coming for interview(: hahas.

hmmm... lets talk about ncdcc..

they been quit busy this week everyday training to prepare their up coming drill competition ! Its this SATURDAY!! :0 then there is PDS ? Open house? Pahang trip? maybe EOY camp?

will be so damn busy lah!):

i been camwhore alot too! hehe:P

finally graduated from st. Hilda's(; its been a great time in shss this 4 yrs(: i wont nvr forget this moments(: most importantly my classmates, teacher and my cca (:

14Oct a day to remember(:

bye st. Hilda's secondary school(: love ya! <3<3

-Amelia (: is u are looking at this, dun worry i wont abandon you de(: i promise(: <3

-Nicole(: Love ur gift so much(: <3<3 i look so retarded (: hahas , really gonna miss the times we spent together(: & i will nvr forget u and all the memories(:

-Chanel(; Thanks for ur card & the chocolate:D It been great time spending with u(: meet up soon kay!

-damn to all my classmate<3 I LOVE YOU!

-NCDCC (: i will be back(: lols

-Teacher(: thank you very much(:

-Nadia , Shikin & Elya(: thanks for everything(; & the little chat with you guys<3

i was bored after i bath:P

came back home for UDI POC (:

wanted to wear sunglasses out):

going out celebrate Aileen's Birthday(:

was bored:/

Came back home from school(:

was taking more then one before going out(:

this few days was damn bored! taking random photo and editing it. lols i think i must be mad. :X

HAHA! exam finally finishing soon. left with one more paper and that is D&T...

i think overall, English was quite easy, Chinese was okay, Ebs was quitee hard but i think i can do it de(; , CPA was quite easy for me only theory part was quite hard, mathematics give me the most stress i tot i was going to fail, lucky paper 2 was quite easy. i hope i can get great result(;

Jobs are so hard to find i cant even find a single job! ): hope there will be job for me(: i meed keep some saving!!! after tht i need shop for some clothes and dress (: HEHE hmm, oh im going to help up with NCDCC next parade onward as a volunteer (:

shall update soon again(:

TO FUCKER:

What the fuck! Who the hell you think you are?! Nobody also use gun point on your head and ask you to like me right! Can you fucking stop with your nonsense! It’s so irritating lah. I so fucking regretted together with you for that one bloody week. Now you give me this kind of nonsense! Is seriously pissing me off.! What for texting me when you know I’m just gonna give you cold shoulder? You just being dumb and stupid. Told you I dun like you already, still ask why. You no brain to think ar?! Tell you dun waste your time on me, not because I look down on myself. If I dun like you anymore. I also dun want to waste my time on people like YOU!! I was the one wasting my time to reply your stupid nonsense, I was being nice enough to at least reply your fucking message! And stop with your stupid blog shit and your fucking twitter. It irritated me a lot to see your fucking words about how much you love me. Oh please dun be so gay. Make me want to vomit sia. YES ! im being mean now. You force me ! freak I dun even want to see you again! Even if I do I wouldn’t even talk to you. Wait I dun even want to fucking see your STUPID, IRRITATING, UGLY, DUMB , FREAK, FUCK , CB, KNN FACE!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND ME! GOODBYE ! WAIT FOREVER! DUN CRY. DUN BE A CRYBABY! FUCK OFF ! NEXT TIME BE SMART, DUN TEXT OR CALL ME LAHN FUCKER!

wish you were here I can be tough, I can be strongBut with you, it's not like that at allThere's a girl that gives a shitBehind this wall, you just walk through it
And I remember all those crazy things you saidYou left them running though my headYou're always there, you're everywhereBut right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we didDidn't think about it, just went with itYou're always there, you're everywhereBut right now I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you here, here, hereI wish you were hereDamn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you near, near, nearI wish you were here
I love the way you areIt's who I am, don't have to try hardWe always say, say it like it isAnd the truth is that I really miss
All those crazy things you saidYou left them running though my headYou're always there, you're everywhereBut right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we didDidn't think about it, just went with itYou're always there, you're everywhereBut right now I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you here, here, hereI wish you were hereDamn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you near, near, nearI wish you were here
No, I don't wanna let go, I just wanna let you knowThat I never wanna let go, let go, oh, ohNo, I don't wanna let go, I just wanna let you knowThat I never wanna let go, let go, let go, let goLet go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let goLet go, let go, let go
Damn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you here, here, hereI wish you were hereDamn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you near, near, nearI wish you were here
Damn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you here, here, hereI wish you were hereDamn, damn, damnWhat I'd do to have you near, near, nearI wish you were here

i cant tahan anymore. why must my family fight when i at home?? im really tired of it, i cant take it. i need to cry out. i need a shoulder but there is no one able to lend me thir shoulder. im really tired of living, what the point of living when you cant even feel any love from anyone? im really feeling so lonely. tearing all day long because of family matter, now tht im grounded, im feeling more lonely... i dun even have anyone to talk to.. ****** dun like texting.. i know u r busy at there too... amelia need to focused on her eoy. now i really... im left alone...

where are you?? i hope to see u soon to talk about this, i cant keep everything inside anymore. its too much to keep in... i need you. as a friend, as a talking buddy that's all. please..

Things are getting worst each day, just grandma and auntie almost quarrel .my grandma came back n tell me, i mean like wth lah, ahma tell me this. after tht heard my auntie saying bad things about my grandma. seriously stop it lah, im still young in the family, dun you think this will infect my studies? i mean seriously y do u guys need to quarrel over some small things? dun u think u guys acting more childish then me?

when i tot i can stay with my dad , i was freaking happy. at least i can stay away from this quarrel. but then cannot rent house.. my grandfather still owe $2000 . hais. wtheck.

around 1 week more till my next paper. i cant even sleep for 2 days.

feeling really down over the clt thing. im still hoping they will change their mind . i really want to be clt , i dun wan to be volunteer , junior might think im busybody everytime go back help. hais. damn dream are suppose to come true right? but why didnt my dream come true?

Next thing, i really want to find someone i love and he must able to protect me from everything. he will love me, care about me, etc... im losing hope in my family, i dun have anyone to care for me, most importantly i dun wan to alone at home everything. & spending all my time on boring stuff.

hmmm. i guess im sleeping late today again.

so fast , its my last day of school 23 sept. so sad bt i didnt cry! Im brave ! HAHAHAHA. spamming lots of photos. but seriously most of them are my class picture. damn it lah! im gonna miss them like freaking alot lah! we spent 4 years together!): im gonna miss my cca too. bad news is high chance i wouldnt go through CLT interview ); hais. but Ms Lee want me back next year to help her, as she dunno whether Lucas got in for Clt anot. Damn i didnt get the chances to take picture with most of my friends. hope i will get tht chances on Graduation day!(: on the 14 Oct(: Hehe

i cant wait for N level to finish! (: Hope i will pass with fkyingggg colours! hehe

WELL I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY DEAREST 4A! <3<3<3<3<3

& NCDCC <3<3<3<3<3

THIS IS SPECIALLY FOR MY DEAREST CLASSMATE NORMAN LEE ! (:

i really feel so stupid. i kena play/toy by guy. i feel so dumb. your right, i am dumb , always been choosing the wrong guy. when will i ever find a guy like u? all other guys i stead is either wth , wtf, playboy, flirt , ? what wrong with me? what wrong with my bloody eyes? really hope to find a guy like u. nice, helpful, always trying ur best to hid ur feeling, daring, brave, able to protect me, smart, quite handsome, sweet, always trying ur best to help me, etc.

my life is totally screw, if only i was nvr born. since my mom didnt even wanted to raised me up, i didnt have a complete family. i dun wan go home so early, i like to stay outside, but sometime i jus dun have any places to go... at home i always kena nag n stuff , outside? Rishi & Fila? when they busy, i have totally no where to go... sometime i dun even know where to go... i walk n walk i found myself in places tht we have been. the stop u will get down when u send me home. i even over shot my stop n i get down somewhere ur house....

hais. N level? is totally here. in like 1-2 weeks. i cant focus, sometime brain jus went blank... trying my best . i know no one will bw able to help me. only me n only myself.

there are only 3 person who are the reason for me to live on is. my grandma, you & my bff Amelia Tan hwee ee.

n few more things. my dream have yet not come true. i hope the day will come faster.

if u r reading this. Yes, i still like u.

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669966666666699999999999966666699996666996666996669966669966
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1) press ctrl+f
2) then type 6 or 9

COOL !♥

I'm feeling so sad. I'm staying at a place where everyone will call them home. where every kids would want to be. where a place when kids reach, they would see they parent, grandparents.. but to me i really dunno where my home is . i dun feel like i'm home. every time when i reach home, all i see is a quiet , empty house & my grandma is either playing games or sleeping. i have no one to talk to. nobody at home was able to teach. every year i wish on my birthday. when the moment i reach i will able to see my family, present & a cake. but all i see was a empty house.

now is getting even worst, family quarreling. my grandma & uncle dun talk to each other, cousin ignoring me & grandma. Auntie was rude to my grandma. My grandma say if need to move house also need around 6 months more. i tired my best to stay outside , just to forget my family matter, but i know i cannot hide everyday... i feeling very upset.. hais forget it.. this is my life..

i left with 2-3 weeks till my N level. so scared ): i gotta work damn hard for it . i want to go the course i want. i want go ITE Simei. I wan go CLT course. I want to become a CLT in St. Hilda's Sec. i want to survive though after these year in shss . i know what i want, where to go, what i really want to be.

After all, u dun need a boyfriend to survive. You is a friend, true friend that u can trust. will walk u through all the pain u have.

(: I wan to be a brave , a girl that person would like to hang with, able to say all ur secret to someone u trust(:

i dun mean to hurt u. i cant stop crying anymore. sorry..

FUCK!

Thanks ar! Make me tell u everything! SO ARE U HAPPY NOW? I DIDNT WAN TO TEL U THE TRUTH IS BECAUSE I SCARED I WOULD HURT U! Y U WAN FUCKING FORCE ME TO SAY!!! I REALLY DUNNO WHAT I CAN SAY LIAO. FUCKING PISSED OFF. I HOPE U UNDERSTAND THT NOT TELL THINGS TO U SOMETIMES, I HAVE MY REASON. PLEASE DUN SAY U ARE MY BOYFRIEND THEN U MUST KNOW! DUN BULLSHIT. EVEN I TELL U, U ALSO CANNOT HELP! FUCK IT LAH!!!!!!!!!!

polaroid instant camera

DAMN FREAKING NICE RIGHT??
I WANT A DAMN polaroid instant camera !!!!!!!!!!!!

WINKWINK! MY BIRTHDAY COMING! HEHE:D

i have a bad feeling about this

i think i have a big problem with myself. i have no idea what i really want. i dunno whether is this love anot. i cant understand what my minds is thinking. i scared i will hurt u one day. i really dunno whats happening to me. i seem to scared of having a relationship. maybe because of the past ba. i really hate myself of being like this. i dunno what or how to reply u. i wan to tell u the truth but i jus cant. things are getting worst. i dun think i can take it anymore. u been treating me so damn nice . at first why the reason i say u cannot like me because i scared something might happen, and i may lost a good friend like u. now tht we r tgt i feel damn weird, someone i cant even tahan what u doing... hais im scared...

080711♥

hehe(: sweet love.. i love u dear(: i will rem today(: hehe

well, Transformer was awersome(: hehe

short & sweet post(:

lalalaala

080711♥

hehe(: sweet love.. i love u dear(: i will rem today(: hehe

well, Transformer was awersome(: hehe

short & sweet post(:

lalalaala

hais.

i feeling down now, no idea why... i'm so scared... hais

i have a feeling i will let u down someday.. i'm scared of hurting u.. my minds is in a mess now.. i dunno what to do. i dun wan tell u, i dun wan u to be worried about me. i hope u wont see this post so u wont be sad.. hais. whats wrong with me ? maybe i really shouldnt be with anyone.. cause someday i will fall... i dun wan see my love one to be sad.. i know the day is coming soon... i'm getting weaker each day.. although i also smile , laugh n doing lots of stuff i shouldnt be doing... i still force myself n tell myself to tahan. but i know soon or later i cannot take it liao.. i hope this day dun come soon, at least let my dream come true first... my dream is to do well for N level, go Simei ITE, study in a good course, able to be in CLT, become a good leader to all my juniors, all my good friends & love ones to have a good life... im not asking much... i just wish will come true first.. before i slowly letting go things... i dun believe in god but im asking u to let me finish my dream...

founder's day parade

OMG! I cant believe i was able to be inside the squad again for founder again... it was awesome to the max!

Short msg to my junior in NCDCC(:

Great job guys! Im so proud u(: u guys had did well (: Continue to do well in ur drills & parade(: I believe in u guys(:

finally continues my life

Im so happy & glad tht i could finally continue my life without u... No long have to think about whether u will come back to me & stuff.. I have a brand new life & a brand new guy by my side.. i finally wake up from my dream & realize how important tht guy was to me... I am really glad to know him...He's like my angel, always never fail to be there, right by my side(: I glad tht he came into my life..

this few days spending time with him was awesome(: i cant wait to see him again(:

What a AWESOME day i spent with my friends at flea market n Bugis street!

Bought the connector rings! OMG I LOVE IT MANZ!<3

So many design! how wish i can buy everything sia!

must find a nice box to put all my lovely rings n necklace! :0

Cant wait for the next flea on 25th! Gonna bring more money!! HAHAHAs

Oh we even took newprint!><

This coming 11th got class BBQ!~.~ i think we gonna spent damn alot money);

Well, bye then!

loves & huges<3

What to do?

OMFG!!! I cant believe i confess to someone and the person didnt recevie the msg cause his msg bust... ZZZZzzzzzzz-.- So embarrassing sia.. What should i do now?
Im so scared tht i would scare him when he see tht msg.. but if he dont, should i sent him tht msg again? But if he was shock n dun even tok to me? We arldy not toking much... Argh what should i do? Tell me?

24 April 2011

HEYHEY! im back.. its been awhile since i post.. in fews weeks time im gonna start my prelimy 1. 0.0

i have finish my coursework for cpa n ebs.. OH ! of cus my oral for prelimy 1.

I have a feeling tht i had fall for someone, but still have feeling him... what should i do?

should i tell the second guy tht i like him and listen to guy one to move on? or should i just wait for him?

argh..!! i hate this feeling man..

08 Feb 2011

i am tired. the past few days have been a blur to me. it seems like i have been doing the same fucking thing every single day. home, bathe, eat, sleep. damndamndamn shag . im afraid that i wont be able to persevere till n levels are over. haiz so tired.. school is so boring nowadays.. But im glad that i have awesome friends by my side though. they make life so much more fun and meaningful. :D

Hahas The group photo at Nicole's house, that i will nvr forget... :D


Me trying to finish it while laughing non-stop... :D


Jus wan to say i love them, thanks for everything.. :D
15Jan "surprise" party:)

09 Jan 2011

OMG! Dear Maths , I hope u noe that u r IRRITATING..!!
Anyway, My first parade of 2011 was fail... totally didnt do much thing , i was freaking bored..!
Arhh..! I dunno what to talk anymore..